Roast Beast

top round beef slow-cooked to a perfect medium-rare.  Chilled, sliced deli thin & wrapped in duct tape so it's got a fighting chance on the ride home

A Loin together

a hot-smoked cold cut made from local pork loin rolled in Tuscan spices.  Thin sliced medallions are like a summer romance in your mouth

High test turkey breast

low-smoked high-performance poultry.  They're gonna miss you wherever you used to buy that additive-injected sliced trash.  Sorry, not sorry

liquid biscuit

soft strips of biscuit dough simmering in thick chicken gravy.  Depression-era discount calories that hit like Zoloft.  

Fine Young Cannonballs

why not?  Vermont gets cold, there's lots of old folks.  This feels right.  House-made chicken soup with either Fluffy-Floater or Carbo-Cannonball style matzo balls

Cha cha Chana Masala

chickpea curry simmered all day in warm spices.  You're gonna do a happy dance.  Paratha or naan available if I'm in the mood to make it & you're super lucky

Stuffed derma

hot buttered pucks of spiced veggie stuffing fried up & slathered with a mysterious brown gravy.  Plant the seeds for your plant-based cardiac episode with this savory, greasy OG ghetto nosh

unlawful Falafel

vegan balls of spiced chickpeas deep fried crunchy in olive oil.  

onion string theory

it's too expensive to license Awesome Onions or Bloomin' Blossoms so I whipped up a Bloody Knockoff.  Buttermilk-marinated shoestrings of crispy fried sweet vidalia onions.  The high concept sci-fi name is just marketing.  Oh yeah... Multiverse!

Gizmo's Bane

whole heads of garlic smoked to smooshy perfection.  Spreadable aromatic-awesomeness for sammiches, insufficiently delicious food purchased elsewhere or whatever you chew in the shadows

Baked Sweeti

lokshen kugel is what happens when a cheesecake smashes a baked ziti.  So if you love oven-baked pasta but wish it was loaded with sugar, try some cheesy egg noodles & cinnamon custard baked up with apples & maple.  Clean energy, baby

Crispy Clones

light, yeasty inhalable donuts with a Krispy vanilla bite & Kremey finish.  Your body can only absorb so much sugar & fat in one day so eat 'em by the dozen 

hell's s'mores

a spit of bourbon-soaked medjool dates wrapped in local bacon.  A diabolical & irresistible confection comprised of the four food groups for early death.  Sugar, bacon, smoke & booze usher you down to the pitted despair.  Mwahahaha