Conceptual Ribs

comestible alchemy, ergonomic grip

Plain Jane

no nonsense barbecue benchmark.  Dry-rubby, make-u-chubby, leave-yer-hubby traditional country-style crowdpleasers. Technically perfect, zero gimmicks.  Aggressively basic & proud of it.

Dental Damned

hand selected local spares marinated in glass-bottle Coke & masterfully seasoned with fine herbs, spices & a buttload of Willy Wonka's freshest Nerds.  Guaranteed to rot them chompers right outta yer face.  Doompety do.

Red Sea redeye

cured with house-blended Berbere spice & fresh-ground espresso, these Silk Road warriors hump caravans of flavor from the birthplace of humanity & the ends of the Earth directly to your face.  Possibly the only ribs that prevent naps

Kindest Rewind

for those who missed or miss the 80s, here's an arena-rocking tribute to my first BBQ love: Chinese takeout spareribs from back in the day.  No fake colors or gloopy sauce.  Made with secret spices, local honey & just a truckload of MSG

#45 (Bone Luc LaC)

your poor underserved American palate is gonna be skeptical at first, but fire walk with me.  Local pork spares marinated overnight in funky fermented fish sauce & sweet sweet brown sugar.  oooooh, mami

Flapjack drip

roses are red, violets are purple.  These here ribs are made with maple syrple.  Sweet & savory, cinnamon-sprinkled & maple smoked breakfast for dinner tastes like cozy pants by the fire.

Pina Colanic

not gonna lie - did this one for the name.  Steel can pineapple, prune juice & glass-bottle coke-soaked ribs slide right off the bone... then right through you.  

LarrimoaN Curry

dry cured overnight in house-blended spice to achieve maximum masala in a sauce-free format.  No need for concern, there's heat but no burn, Shirley and Laverne it's almost your turn!  Nyuk nyuk nyuk

Hawaiian Munch

marinated in a stripped-down house-brewed Hawaiian-style ginger teriyaki.  Island time anytime without baggage claim, TSA putdowns or White-Lotus-style drama.  Mahalo means get yer own, mooch.  Chomp chomp, chompy

Rudy got seoul

the funky fire of gochujang married to sweet jerk spices.  Straight fire cold fusion you can lick off your fingers

Big pastor Al

pineapple & sweet onion will have you speaking in tongues & dancing in the aisles.  Something between a religious experience & a fiesta for your face

Bad ombres

taste the painbow.  A full slab rides you like the local from jalapeño to reaper with stops at bonnet street & ghost town.  A makeup-smeary sinus-cleary eyeball-teary trip from mild to mild regret.  Over-powered over-peppered big bads do donuts in your mouth & flip off your mom

Hole Mole

cured with warm spices, hot peppers & slathered in Chamoy.  Rubbed with cocoa for a bark you'll wanna bite.  Heaven on earth available now right here at your elevation.  Might convert a vegan

Blue raspberry

before they got all uptight, voting away your rights, Boomers in the 70s loved their key parties, cocaine & sweet n' sour meatballs.  Here are some tangy-berry throwback ribs because moving coke is hard & saying balls makes me giggle

Bagel box floor

there's an obscure yet blessed corner of the multiverse where the everything bagel craze has gone way too far & Ke Huy Quan is universally beloved.  Spoiler alert:  you're in it

S'creem dream

creemee-inspired candy-coated smokey bones.  Conventionally attractive ribs spend the night in vanilla-infused maple syrple.  When that sugar crash hits, you feel no pain

Old and in the Bay

party like Testudo & brighten yer moodo.  Old Bay overloaded Inner Har-bones ready to jam up them pearly whites.  You'll be a pickin' n grinnin' while you're wiping that chin'n

Killa chili lime

prime-time key lime gets the tarty started & piquant peppers bring some heat to the meat.  A tasty two-pronged attack on your stomach lining.  Allegedly based on an unaired The Office where Kevin puts chili on pie

Parasthesiac Panda

black vinegar, white wine & prickly ash ASMR for your mouth.  A spicey-nicey tongue-numbing tribute to the lost art of shutting the hell up.  You're tingling, baby.  Go 'head, baby

Sausage Party

who doesn't love an epic banger?

Tenacious Kielbasi

house ground local Vermont pork, seasoned & stuffed with genuine wock from Poland, these country-style wieska sausages have just got to perform.  A tribute to the greatest schlong in the world that will blow your mind & elevate your cholesterol

breakfast beltbreakers

close your eyes and picture the best diner sausage you ever ate.  Now they're a foot long.  Now they're smoked.  Now stop daydreaming about sausage you frigging weirdo.

Brisket

Boneless slabs of greasy perfection for the glutton on the go

Slow Rider

no gas, no crutch, no breaks.  Big beefy briskets cooked low n' slow in kiln-dried maple & cherry hardwood.  Taste the time, the give-a-hoot & the top-secret rub of nothin' but equal parts salt & pepper.  Shhhhhhh

Paranormal Pastrami

the dogeared old photo reappeared in my life no matter now many times I threw it away.  The only clue to its origin, a silver inscription: Bucharest, 1908.  On the back was a recipe.  By reading it aloud, I opened the gate.  Heaven save us

Zaydes from hades

not yer bubbie's brisket, bro.  Slow-cooked farm-fresh beef slathered in a handcrafted onion coulis made from the finest dehydrated onion soup mix currently on sale at the store

Mom's Stray Katz

New York style sugar-cured corned beef brisket.  Pickled & spiced then steamed up so nice.  You'll have what she's having, babyyy

Big bruce

a medically inadvisable portion of corned beef piled high on house-baked rye with mustard, pickles & powerkraut.  Enough cholesterol & nitrites  to take down four bull elephants or one dude from Brooklyn

Baby Bruce

slightly easier on your health & wealth, here's a junior varsity version of the Big Bruce for the sensible savage who wants to live long enough to see how much climate change is gonna suck

Santa maria grill

heavenly delicacies cooked in the sky

Tri-Light Zone

submitted for your consideration:  coastal-California-style garlic-rubbed tri-tip hanging high & cooking slow

Piranha Picanha

carelessly wander into a school of hungry friends or family with some of the Brazilian-barbecue-style culotte steak-on-swords & you'll get the name

High Anxietee-bone

don't be nervous in the service.  Thick porterhouse steaks swingin' in the breeze up on the high steel

Elevated filet

move on up to deluxe beef tenderloin in the sky.  Filet mignon parked in low earth orbit til pleasantly rare & served on a stick - Renn-Fest-style.  Forsooth, baby...

Poke a Man

ha ha, can't sue me!  Tangy teriyaki-marinated flank steak kushiyaki on the jaggedest cheek-seeking sticks they make

Lambo Calribians

bone-in lamb chops cooked in the clouds.  Skrrt skrrt

Ottoman Lambassador

spiced Moroccan lamb guaranteed to flip your fez & tickle your tarboosh

Chicanery​

local birds made with lots of love & salt

Ol' dirty bird

dry brined, beercan-style smoked hens.  You're gonna smell the grease on your hands through at least Tuesday

Yardbird Sweet

oooooh, Mami.  Tamari-marinated legs & thighs seasoned with five-spice powder & slow cooked in maple & cherry smoke

Band Camp Chicken Patties

inspired by the most grueling week known to teenagers.  Hand ground local chicken imbued with Smitty's secret spices smooshed into patties & fried up crispy.  Served with pickles atop a buttered house-baked brioche bun

Alpha Male Quail

packed to the max with protein and raring to get their huge salty energy right up in your face.  But, at the end of the day, they know they're just tiny chickens.  Eat 'em up!