KIPPERED "BAKED" SALMON

Like bacon, but salmon - SERVED CHILLED

UPTOWN D LUX

kippered in the finest cheapest well vodka available legally.  Sugar cured & smoked in cherry & maple.  Buttery smooth fish lubes joints & blows minds.  Win brunch with some big Upper West Side energy

NOUVEAUXX BOUGIE

hey, big spender - cough up that legal tender.  Open your mouth & your wallet for this upgraded upsell.  Fresh salmon soaked in a top-shelf spirit du jour for a super-premium pop in the chops.  Follow @salmonparlor on insta for today's booze & remember our guarantee:  the extra X is for extraness

Deep woods

cured with Vermont maple, a Phish bootleg sound bath & blessed by a mother moose driving a Subaru.  Intensive immersion therapy for those who genuinely want to reconnect with nature but forgot to pack an interest in hiking

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Smoked fish

SUGAR-CURED CRAVES FROM THE WAVES

Weekend whitefish

fat happy wild fish from the Great Lakes get hotboxed gold in rich maple & cherry smoke.  High in protein, a natural source of healthy fatty acids & an adorable Michigan accent

Pouty Trout

smile pretty & taste the rainbow trout.  I won't tell if you wanna claim you caught 'em yourself on the socials

Copper chompers

a seasonal summer treat from the waters off the coast of Strong Island.  These big bad bluefish are larger, louder & just East-Coastier than their Midwestern whitefish cousins.  Catch 'em when you can.  Hey!!  I'm swimming' here!

Dark branzino

sustainably farmed, malarkey-free Mediterranean Sea bass.  Flavor notes feature steely-eyed competence & salt

High beam sea bream

a sweet briny ocean fish smoked to perfection

Secular MackerEl

holy smoke!  Frickin' tasty wild Boston mackerel all salty & greasy.  Good n' fishy, too so maybe eat 'em out in the yahd, you daffy chowdahead

Think Deep

Fish, inverts & sea monsters

Ironbound Shrimp

swimming in sauce & garlicky as hell Newark-style nugs.  Challenge your Altoids to a fight or just enjoy some alone-time

Cococurry Shrimp

warm spices & the freshest canned coconut with just enough heat to keep your mind on your business.  All-time 3-point leader amongst shellfish

Ice cold cocktail shrimp

Sir, I studied at the all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet at Bally's Atlantic City from 1983 through 1989.  

Green Mountain Oysters

don't let the name fool you - I swear these are actually oysters!  Fresh briny bites bathed in sweet local smoke.  Sometimes oysters, sometimes ersters.  Never testicles

All Jake Crab Cakes

a Mighty Mound of Maryland in your mouth.  Jumbo lump blue or swimmin' crab all smashed up just enough Saltines & mayo to keep it together.  Once you have a real one, you'll never go back to deep-fried hockey pucks again

Glam clams

more than a buck, but you ain't no schmuck.  Cheaper clams off a truck would probably suck.  These are plucked from the muck, gently shucked and tasty as WELL.  New England style stuffers are your new heroes on the half shell