What is all this?

In addition to an ever evolving selection of poly-ethnic delicacies spanning multiple timelines & dimensions, Artless Appetizing also slings the sickest smoked fish north of the Bronx & the best barbecue for 500 miles in any direction.

What makes you so special?

Look, barbecue is hard so techbro assholes invented wifi-connected pellet-ovens that'll text you when it's time to post a picture of your terrible brisket for nine likes.  Here's how it is, sportsfans: a choked-out low-smoldering pile of pellets, wood chips or what have you simply doesn't produce the full range of flavormaking chemical reactions that one can achieve with white-hot combustion like the roaring wood fire in this here offset cooker.    And yeah, doing it without electricity, petrochemicals or automation is a pain in the ol' membrane but I have Nintendo & snacks - I'll be fine.  Next time you choke down some loveless oven-baked fauxbecue elsewhere, consider also that they put that bloated-corpse smell in propane on purpose.  I mean, you really want that wafting over your food all day?  Gross.  Upgrade from blue flame to blue smoke & taste the local kiln-dried maple & cherry.  Look, I'd love to set a dial, press the button & take your money but I was raised by movies and TV and they gave me values.  So, I'll be out here spritzin' n' shvitzin' all day & night so you don't have to because Mr. Rogers & The Fraggles were right about everything.