local. authentic. real craft barbecue now arriving in vermont
What is all this?
Artless Appetizing is a mobile stick-fired smoker pit/specialty food purveyor lurking in and around the Green Mountains of Southern Vermont. The name of the game is to serve gobsmackingly excellent craft barbecue & intercultural delicacies spanning multiple timelines to my belovedly kooky mountain community. Keep your ear to the ground... coming soon
What makes you so special?
Look, barbecue is hard so they invented wifi-connected pellet-ovens that'll text you when your terrible brisket is ready. Here's how it is, sportsfans: a choked-out low-smoldering pile of pellets, wood chips or sawdust simply doesn't produce the full range of flavormaking chemical reactions that one can achieve with white-hot combustion like the roaring wood fire in this here offset cooker. And yeah, doing it without electricity, petrochemicals or automation is a pain in the ol' membrane but I have Nintendo & snacks - I'll be fine. Next time you choke down some loveless oven-baked fauxbecue elsewhere, consider that they put that bloated-corpse smell in propane on purpose. I mean, you really want that wafting over your food all day? Gross. Upgrade from blue flame to blue smoke & taste the local maple& cherry. Look, I'd love to set a dial, press the button & take your money but I was raised by movies and TV and they gave me values. So, I'll be out here spritzin' n' shvitzin' all day & night so you don't have to because Mr. Rogers & The Fraggles were right about everything.
Don't be a dinosaur!
Leave fossil fuels in the ground when you barbeque, boomer
we should see other people
Hey, it's a bummer, but the constitutional right to eat ones wet weight in beef twice weekly without health, wealth or environmental consequence was always just another lie the boomers sold us. I know, right? So here's the deal, you forward thinking ev-driver: I'm totes down to fill your frunk with ribs today, but when you wake up Wednesday from that meat coma, go make yourself a salad or something. You know what's surprisingly easy to whip up? Hummus. Are you waiting for another pandemic to learn how to bake? My guy, there's like a million YouTube videos & that great British show. You got this.
Maybe try a nice baked ziti?
In no particular order:
tell the truth
be nice
your phone isn't your friend
make some sauce
he has no idea
share
rescue a pit
vax if you can
it's not about you
call your mom
drive friendly
Black lives matter
nobody beats the Wiz
try meditation
give it away now
you could be wrong
drink water
not your body? not your call
rescue another dog
chew thoroughly
the future is female
nobody beat the Biz
love is love
Empire is the best Star Wars
alcohol your phone
thanks for everything, Pee-Wee
drive friendly
she knows what you did
floss (teeth or the dance)
vote
call someone else's mom
nobody asked you
If you learned it from a screen, are you really an expert?